Job: Chapter 9

Job Replies: There Is No Arbiter

Old Rag Mountain

How can any man be right before God? It is impossible. We cannot even come remotely close, the idea is ludicrous. We cannot answer God. Do you know anyone who has ever hardened their heart towards God, turned from Him, and succeeded in beating God? Even Satan must bow before the Lord and ask permission to do all things. We are weak and frail beings, Satan was once an angel. God is the creator of all things. He is the controller of all things. If he tells the sun not to rise, it obeys. If he wants the stars to cease shining, they do. Merely with His voice set into motion the universe that to this day continues to expand in all directions. He set the current all of the seas, rivers, and oceans. He placed the stars in the sky in a particular fashion so we might discover the Bear, Orion, Pleiades, and Proxima Centauri. We will never know all of the great things He has done and we cannot fathom the countless marvelous wonders He has created. However, God passes by me and I do not see Him. He moves past me but I cannot perceive His presence. I know He is there but I miss knowing Him like I did before.

How can man understand God? We cannot understand Him fully, nor can we understand Him to a great extent. Some of the wisest men throughout history, who had the closest relationships with God, still find themselves saying things like: "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" [Psalm 22:1] and the list goes on with Moses, Abraham, Peter, etc. all of these great men who had extremely close relationships with God all questioned Him many times. In order to question God, we must believe that we are equal to Him in some way. We only question those who we believe are wrong in what they are saying, doing, etc. Therefore, if we question God, we believe that He is wrong about something. Now, it is quite the leap for us to say: "I know better than God." and very few people would ever actually say those words in a serious manner. However, we live our lives and make a lot of decisions based off the concept that we do know better than God. Aren't these the same? We're just prideful cowards who don't want to say something blasphemous like: "I know better than God." We prefer to hide our sin under the shroud of other things. When Adam and Eve chose to eat from the forbidden tree, they believed the lie that God was not trustworthy and they chose to disobey out of pride in who they thought they were. When I chose to watch pornography and dilute my mind with terrible images of something that is supposed to be beautiful but turned wretched I was saying: "God, I know you tell me I shouldn't do this, but I know better than you." This led to me lying about never watching pornography to my girlfriend at the time, which led to more lies, which led to a failed engagement, which culminated with me in counseling and that relationship beyond reconciliation. Now, God used this betrayal of mine for far greater things than I could ever have imagined. He drew me closer to Him, He helped me receive professional help (which in my mind is the ONLY way to overcome an addiction like pornography - I am now almost 4 years clean - thank you to my counselor | yes, it is awkward at first and yes it isn't easy to admit to others but it is necessary. I think of my future wife, whoever she may be, and the impact that my choices earlier in life will affect her. Deal with your junk as soon as you can, your future spouse will admire you for it.) and I was able to restore my relationship with God and serve Him more than ever. God uses these betrayals for His good if we allow Him to do so. It is not fun, there is nothing exciting about the process, there is a lot of pain and admission of things that most people cannot utter before another human, and it costs a lot of people a lot of heartaches. I went against God and I failed. But, through His grace and mercy, He restored me to Himself. Job is currently battling against his biggest foe and he cannot find God in the midst of his pain and sorrow. Just like Job, I did not fully understand God's will or why He allowed things to happen to me at the moment, but with hindsight and many years of looking back at the events that have transpired, He was allowing traumatic things to occur in order to draw me closer to Him before my biggest battle that is ongoing right now against terminal cancer. I would be lost and could not survive if He hadn't trained me for this thorn in the flesh. Yes, it is hard to continually admit to others that you have had struggles in the past, current and that you will struggle with sin in the future. But, you can overcome some things if you rely on God's strength to overcome them and not your own. Seek counseling, seek wisdom from others, seek help, seek friends who truly love you and can give you an honest conversation of where they see you. This is the only way I was able to overcome porn and it is the only way I will overcome any sin in my life, through God's never-ending pursuit of my heart and allowing Him to make me more like Christ and less like Jordan.

Dear Lord, thank you for your overwhelming kindness and grace to me and all my fellow human beings. We are not worthy of your grace, but I accept it with honor. I wish I could be a better image of your grace towards others in all moments. My shortcomings far outweigh my excellence, but you restore me to you and see Christ in my stead. Thank you for the gift of your son and the never-ending wonders of your creation. You stir my affections for you through many natural wonders and I cannot say thank you enough for who You are. Teach me to be a loving, kind, and honest friend. Teach me, starting now, how to love my future wife in ways that exude your grace and love. Show me who you are more and more, that I might be more like you. Amen. 

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